Wednesday, 08 July 2009

• Confession...? I guess.

  There was a point in my life where I did some pretty mean things. I was always nice to everyone, but if someone harassed me (I've only been harassed a couple of times) constantly (making multiple user names, sending nasty e-mails, calling constantly etc etc), I would tear them down.  No, I was never in a physical fight, but I could mess up their friendships. I knew just how to do it without even getting blamed. Yeah, it was pretty mean. But, I was around the age of 18. Aren't all 18 year olds evil like that? (Haha)
  
  Now if that happens to me, I have no choice but to just walk away. It's sort of like I'm in this sound proof box kicking, screaming and punching. But the other person can't see it or hear it. I'll want out of that box to go and hit them in the face with a shovel (joke) or push them into elephant poop (not a joke). But I can't. I can defend myself, but only with nice words. And if no nice words want to come out, I just have to walk away.
  
  I broke out of that box awhile ago. I said some pretty mean things. I haven't been able to break out of that box since.
  
  It sounds bad to be trapped. But it's actually a very good thing for me. I don't have to regret anything later. No matter how bad I want out sometimes, I'm thankful that I haven't been able to bust loose.
  
  It's kind of funny how I strive to be closer to God, but when the time comes I just want to bust out and yell at someone or do worse than that. Why would I want to sacrifice everything I've worked hard for to be closer to my God just to inject someone with a syringe of common sense? It's not worth it. 
  
  It's also kind of funny how I just described myself being in a box at times like these. It's even funnier that God would have to put me in a box to contain me. Hahaha. Am I really that wild of a fire? Maybe so.
  
  Thank you God for keeping me in a box when I need it. You save me so much hassle in the long run.
  
  

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